i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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