You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
