It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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