If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
