I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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