We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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