So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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