Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
