i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
