Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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