I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
