Four minutes until I can fart!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
