my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
