if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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