please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
