they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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