i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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