textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
