why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
