Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
