he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
