Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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