i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
