Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
