I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
