I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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