I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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