yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
