dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can I color on your dick again?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
