We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
