Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
