my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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