when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
