Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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