do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
