she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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