If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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