omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
