ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
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you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another