I've blown a few things in my day
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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