My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.