Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.