she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon