Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly