dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
