What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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