her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will pee on everything he values.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
