is your mom at the bar?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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