I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
