You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
