when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
