We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
