grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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