three words: i give head
three words: not that well
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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