i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
