porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
