Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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