I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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