I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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