Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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