her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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