Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
