You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
