the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
