Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I deserve this hangover.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
