Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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