Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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