you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
