I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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