Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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