cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
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He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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