Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
