I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
