More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
