When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
