Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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