it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
