We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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