grandma shit on top of the toilet
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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