I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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