I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
