dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
