It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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