Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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