i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
