this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
