even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
