Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fuck appropriateness.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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