Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
