just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
